I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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