Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
