i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
