ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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