Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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