I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
