so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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