Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
