So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
