the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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