# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
