I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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