so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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