I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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