so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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