Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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