Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
