just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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