If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
