Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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