East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just googled if crying burns calories
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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