btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
