it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
