Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
