We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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