Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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