Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The air was thick with penises
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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