dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Randomize
