I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
