Duck Duck Cougar?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
