Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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