I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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