I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize