At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
