I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize