Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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