Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
