Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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