ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
