My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
