Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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