There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just want nice things and good sex
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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