I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
