I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
