her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
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His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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