It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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