i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
