Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
