Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
