you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
