Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
