careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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