She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
