What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
