Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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