I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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