You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
