I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
