at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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