my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
