all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
