Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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