You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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