i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
